AFC Part 1 + Bonus Predictions

-Trying to prove that we are well rounded sports analysts could prove to be a difficult feat but we will try. The basketball "season" will soon be over and something will have to occupy us for the month of September. Like my good friend pointed out in his NFC Part 1 post, we haven't been following football as much as we used to. Too many commercials (which is also killing NCAA Basketball) and slow paced action brings for low ratings in the Olsen household. Is it bad that I have to open up espn.com and check out depth charts to make any sense of the AFC? Yessir....but you know what? I'm going to roll with it.

Denver Broncos (By Guest Writer Simon): A decade has passed since the Broncos won their second consecutive Super Bowl lead by big dick bastards such as John Elway and Terrell Davis. This begs the question “Who is better: 1998 Broncos or the 2008 Broncos?”

QB:
John Elway eclipses the 50,000 yard career passing mark and is named Super Bowl MVP.
Jay Cutler has type 1 diabetes.

RB:
Terrell Davis has a career year rushing for 2,008 yards and scores 23 touchdowns.
Selvin Young predicts he’ll rush for over 2000 yards this season.

Receiving:
Rod Smith, Ed McCaffrey, and Shannon Sharpe combine for over 3,000 yards receiving and 26 touchdowns.
Brandon Marshall had some decent looking seasons the past couple years and is Denver’s biggest threat while rookie Eddie Royal remains unproven but have people whispering comparisons to Kansas City standout Daunte Hall.

The defense is what I’ll be skipping to on the Tivo, more specifically to the camera that is assigned to Champ Bailey as the 2008 defense is in shambles compared to last year’s. John Lynch is gone. Al Wilson is gone. Ian Gold is gone. Darrent Williams is dead and replaced by locker room crybaby Dre Bly.
The 1998 team? Trevor Pryce, Keith Traylor, Bill Romanowski, John Mobley, Steve Atwater. ‘Nuf said.

In conclusion, I would have Terrell Davis’ babies.

2008 Denver Broncos go 7-9.

Kansas City Chiefs: Replacing the Chiefs with the Cowboys on HBO's Hard Knocks was truly an emotional blow to my fall lineup. Tony Dungy's hilarious banter and one-liners are now replaced by boring as shit Wade Phillips. T.O. would make up for the loss but they hardly show him talking. Best line would have to be when wide receivers were exchanging their target weights.
Patrick Crayton: "I gotta be 208."
WR 2: "I gotta be 217."
WR 3: "I gotta be 201...Hey T.O! What's your weight??"
T.O: "2 SEXY!"
No quarterback controversy equals no fun on Hard Knocks and Brodie Croyle v. Damon Huard is now a viewing of the past as I have to watch pretty boy Tony Romo smile like a little jerk. I digress...The Chiefs apparently have a running back named Larry Johnson, and allegedly, he is healthy. That does no good when I haven't heard of a single offensive lineman on your depth chart and the aforementioned Croyle is starting at QB. You better call yo mama, because Dwayne Bowe, receiver extrordinair, saves the Chiefs from going 0-16. Final record: 5-11.

Oakland Raiders: Wrong Bay Area team for me to be previewing but there is a job to be done. Darren McFadden blows my mind but apparently not those in the Fantasy Football world. I can always pick him up in later rounds and just bank on his freak athleticism and vision. With a developing offensive line and a quarterback who hasn't yet figured out how to throw (with accuracy) in this league, you'd think Darren would be in for a rough year as opposing defenses stack the line with 8 in the box. You'd be wrong! Final Record: 6-10

San Diego Chargers: Few teams can boast this kind of lineup on both sides of the ball (even with an injured Shawne Merriam). Cocky little bastard Philip Rivers finally backs up his filthy mouth and brings the Chargers deep into the playoffs again. Final Record: 13-3


Bonus Predictions:

MLB World Series: All signs are pointing to my least favorite team in sports making to the World Series. The only problem could arise versus the wild card team of either Boston or Minnesota. My thoughts are that they squeeze by, dispose of the final A.L. team, then beat the Diamondbacks in 5.

NCAA Football: USC can lose their top player at every position and I still think they would take down any team in the country. The only problem with the Trojans is that they seem to fall asleep during 1-2 meaningless games a year. Hello Stanford! If the game matters, and people are watching, USC will not lose. Joe McKnight figures out he is the next Reggie Bush, wins the Heisman, and leads the Trojans past Georgia in the national championship game.

English Premier League Top 4 Finishers: This is finally Chelsea's year to regain power in the EPL. They signed just about the entire Portuguese national team along with their coach and he should bring them success on the home front along with the European title. Manchester United is so full of themselves at the moment, but they will finish 2nd with their being no chance of Ronaldo replicating last year's ridiculousness. Arsenal 3rd, Everton 4th. Sorry Liverpool, when you let go of a 6'7" striker who celebrates goals by doing the worst rendition of "The Robot," the soccer gods will strike back.